08.06.08
Posted in Write Today at 8:03 pm by Rebecca Rine-Stone
Well, time has slipped away from me! I started back at work almost 4 weeks ago now and it’s been emotional to say the least. When I was on the train this morning we passed a dad holding his toddler, watching the train go by together and I nearly started sobbing on the train. I wanted to be the one holding the baby watching the train go by and not be the one on the train leaving her baby behind. It’s just me being selfish. Cecelia is doing so great. Trey is taking great care of her and when she does go to daycare she’s absolutely taken care of. They adore her there and I bet the social interaction is good for her. In a perfect world, I would work 3 days a week and be home with her the other days. I’m putting that wish out into the universe and I’m praying it’ll come together somehow. I have to stop listening to country music too. Every damn song is about your babies growing up way too fast and before you know it you’re an old fart and your spouse is about to kick the bucket. I’m telling you–every single song! Cece is melting our hearts every day here. The other day I was asking Trey if Cecelia had pooped and then I asked him if Steve (dog) had pooped and then we both stopped and said, “So, this is seriously our life?” At least we can laugh about it. I’ve been jotting down 3 things I liked the most about each day or that I was most grateful for. It’s been really wonderful to take a second to sit down and remember each day. The things I’m consistently grateful for are my family, friends and laughter. Speaking of laughter, I got an offer to teach standup comedy at Second City in the fall one night a week, so I’m going to do it! Maybe teaching will lead to more teaching jobs and I can do that part time. The whole thing always leads back to having health insurace and working freelance doesn’t offer health insurance. I can drive myself crazy worrying about what to do for work that would let me stay home more with my sweet ladybug, but I won’t worry about it tonight. Cece’s in bed and I’ve got the night to myself. Time to pour a glass of wine and do something for me. Who the heck knows what I’ll do! Maybe read! Maybe catch up on some email! Wowza, the possibilities are endless…okay, they’re pretty limited actually b/c I can’t leave the condo. Whatever the night will bring I can say with confidence it will include a bowl of Lucky Charms at one point. NOW we’re livin’ large!
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07.11.08
Posted in Write Today at 11:10 am by Rebecca Rine-Stone
Well, here we are: the last day of my maternity leave. I’ve been Sob Fest 2008 all morning so far. My favorite part of the day is watching Cecelia wake up and flash that first gummy smile of the day when she sees me and this morning it sent me into a crying fit. But it’s nearly 11:00 now and I’m getting myself together. I wish I could stay home with her all day every day, but then again I want to make sure she isn’t so sheltered that she stays too attached to me. It’s so strange to remember that when you have kids, they don’t exactly belong to you. Sure, they’re yours, but they actually belong to the world. The best thing I can do for Cbird is to fill her with confidence and independence to go out and reach all her goals, but in reality I want her all to myself forever. These last 12 weeks have been emotional and life-changing to say the least. I’ve learned a lot: I can function on very little sleep; Coffee is my new best friend; I can do anything I need to make sure my family’s happy; Getting the job of my dreams is now laughable b/c I now realize work is just work and doesn’t define who I am; As frugal as I was before, I can find even more ways to cut back; It’s okay to let the dishes sit for a few days if it means slowing down to enjoy the day more; Listening to music and dancing with a little hand in yours is magical; Spending time with neighbors is important; Money really doesn’t equal happiness–our baby doesn’t care if we have granite countertops and stainless steel appliances; Laughter is the key to a happy family; Enjoy every little morsel of each day…the list goes on, but I’ve learned these things for sure. As I go back to work, my hope is that I can remember these lessons. I have to remember just because I’m going back to work doesn’t mean Cecelia will feel abandoned–her dad will be with her most days! It’s just a selfish side of me that wants to be here for every moment. It’s hard to believe the pregnancy is over and now I have this family of a wonderful husband who makes me laugh my butt off every day and a daughter who makes me stop in my tracks with how swollen my heart gets just with one look at her. I’m so completely and utterly blessed, so I really shouldn’t complain about going back to work. My goal is to turn my sadness into optimism and remember I’m working for a reason. It’s not to get rich and make my job my life so I can’t spend time with my family. I’m simply working to make enough money to have things we need. That’s it. Nothing more. That lack of stress of finding the world’s best job is kind of a nice gift I’ve been given these past 12 weeks. A job equals money; family, friends and happiness equals everything.
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06.22.08
Posted in Write Today at 10:21 am by Rebecca Rine-Stone
Oh, Lordy, I’ll be returning to work in a few weeks here. Trey and I visited a couple daycare places last week and we’re off to see some more. We went through a non-profit placement agency for people who don’t have a lot of money and they sent us a list of places to check out. The place we went to last week was ridiculous. No one should have to send their kids there. It was an in-home daycare run by a woman in her 60s who informed us her 14-year-old foster child helps out. The daycare consists of a tiny living room with no sunlight coming in because the windows are all draped over. The house was a total mess with dogs running around. There were 3 kids when we went to visit and they were all lethargic, just lying on their cots. The tv was on too. I have no doubt this woman truly loves kids and she would love Cecelia, but I could never leave her there. It would be totally affordable, but as soon as I saw that place my heart told me to do whatever it takes to get Cecelia into a daycare where I know 100% for sure that she’ll be happy. I had a fear when I was pregnant that I wouldn’t be selfless enough to be a mom, but, holy cow, I would do anything for that little ladybug. So that’s good to know, huh? I’ve started writing a journal for Cecelia to give to her one day, maybe on her 18th birthday. People always talk about how your children grow up so fast, so enjoy each day. Instead of trying to just do that, I’m recording it all so we’ll rememer every morsel. I want her to know how loved she is and how happy she makes us. Instead of just telling her that, she’ll be able to read it for herself. Enjoy the lovely Sunday!
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06.04.08
Posted in Write Today at 9:26 pm by Rebecca Rine-Stone
Ever since Cecelia came into my life I’ve been singing a lot. She loves to be held and listen to me sing and it made me realize how little I had been singing before she came along. I used to sing all the time and used to write songs, but like a lot of things in my life, it fell by the wayside. I leave the TV off all day and we listen to the radio or CDs or sometimes just enjoy a quiet apartment. The other night when she was fussy I popped in an Erasure CD b/c I knew I would know all the words from when I was a teenager and listened to that album nonstop. As I was singing to her I had to laugh b/c the songs were a far cry from lullabies. I can’t think of anything specific, but a lot of songs are about sex, gay relationships and explaining to his parents that he’s gay….okay, so I guess those are pretty specific examples after all. It’s nice to have an audience to sing to–even better, an audience who loves whatever I sing. It’s been nice to revisit old CDs and leave the TV off. I had a fear that I would get sucked into daytime TV, but that definitely hasn’t been the case. I turned a court show on the other day when I was eating lunch and couldn’t stand it for more than a few minutes. If we had cable it would be a whole different story, but thank goodness we don’t. I ducked out for a couple hours this morning while Trey watched CeCe and I went to a coffee shop. I had a cappuccino and dang it was good. I missed espresso so much when I was pregnant. Coffee is one thing, espresso is a whole other world of goodness of its own. I finished the last round of editing of my manuscript, so now I just need to write a foreward and start the process of self-publishing it. Now I have to make fun decisions like what I want on the cover, what size the book should be, etc. It’s a bummer it didn’t get published by a publishing house, but I kind of don’t care at this point. It’s funny what having a baby has done to my perspective. My life’s so damn wonderful that if I don’t reach all my goals, that’s just fine. As long as I enjoy the journey, I’m thrilled.
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05.28.08
Posted in Write Today at 5:02 pm by Rebecca Rine-Stone
I pretty much have the world’s best husband. I had a long day with Cecelia yesterday. She must’ve been going through a growth spurt or something, but she needed to be fed almost every hour and she was so fussy that by the end of the day my arms were quivering from having to hold her so much. This morning Trey took her out of our room and I slept in until 8:30. When I woke up and after I fed her again, he told me to go to a coffee shop (my favorite thing to do!) so I could work on my book and get out of the house for a bit. I was only at the coffee shop for an hour, but talk about a refresher. Ever since this morning I’ve had loads of energy and optimism simply b/c I took an hour and devoted it to me and my goal of being a writer. It got me thinking that I should definitely set aside a set time each day to do that. To say “I’ll write today” is one thing, but to say, “I’ll write from 9-10:00 today” is a bit more concrete. Plus I knew the rest of my day would be devoted to my sweet C-bird, so I took that hour seriously. So often I’ll sit down to write and I’ll piddle around on the internet, but knowing I have only an hour made me be more productive. I got stuck behind an elderly woman at the coffee shop this morning. She had a long, very specific order of a sesame bagel with cheddar cheese on both sides, scrambled eggs (which aren’t even on the menu) and coffee that’s extra hot. She explained everything twice to the guy to make sure he got it right. I was going to get a cappuccino, but instead decided to get a regular old cup of coffee to save time b/c the clock was already counting down my precious hour and old lady Specific Pants wasn’t helping. I came home and Cecelia was sleeping, so I returned the favor of relaxation to Trey and I offered to take our dog for a walk, which turned out to be yet another wonderful part of my day. I’m getting stronger and feel fully recovered from delivery. These days fly by, but at least today I can say I started my day off with writing. If I keep doing that, something’s got to come of it!
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05.24.08
Posted in Write Today at 10:00 pm by Rebecca Rine-Stone
It’s 9:00 on a Saturday night and I just realized I never did get around to brushing my teeth or showering today. Oops. During the weekdays I have a rule that I must be completely showered and dressed by noon. I refuse to be a “housewife” who naps the day away lazing around in sweatpants. Today Trey was home so we started cleaning and running errands (oh and taking care of our daughter!) so before we knew it it’s 9:00 at night and we look like dirty hoodlums. I love it though. It’s so amazing to watch little Cecelia grow and change from week to week. Some days she wants her independence and be held in a certain way so she can see what’s going on and other days she just wants a good tight snuggle to feel safe and comfy. When we figure out what she wants we are always relieved and surprised that we could figure it out. We barely know what we want each day let alone a 5-week old! I don’t go back to work until July 14, but I’m already getting sad about it. Last night I had a dream I was at work before my maternity leave was over and I finally told them, “I’m not doing any work until my leave is over.” I left and by the time I got home, Cecelia was 5 years old. She was sitting up with long hair with little clips in it and she was talking. She had her baby brother in her lap and I was freaking out that that much time had passed and I didn’t realize it. I didn’t even know I had had another child in the dream. I woke up and realized that was a huge symbolic dream telling me I’m nervous about going back to work and missing out on all the special moments of CeCe Lou’s life. It’s going to go by fast and I hate that I have to devote over 40 hours of each week going to work and not seeing her just so we can afford to live in our overpriced condo and pay my grad school loans. It makes me want to sell this place and somehow cut back on all our living expenses so we don’t need so much money to make ends meet. Three years ago we thought buying real estate would be the smartest investment instead of throwing away our money on rent, but now it seems like it might be impossible to sell our condo considering how bad the market is. I wish we would’ve known that. It’s now 10:00. I had to stop writing b/c Cecelia decided she was hungry again and I had to change her diaper and get her back to sleep. Now I’m realizing I never did finish my dinner b/c she got hungry in the middle of it and now I’m starving. Boy are Saturday nights different than they used to be for me!
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05.12.08
Posted in Write Today at 6:38 pm by Rebecca Rine-Stone
Well, after waiting 7 months, I finally got word from the publishing company I submitted my book to that they are not interested. I wasn’t surprised b/c that’s just how the publishing world goes. At least now I have an answer so I can move on and moving on in this case means self-publishing. A friend of mine recommended lulu.com to self-publish. I have to look into it for all the details, but I’m excited to get going on this now. I have to go back to my book and edit it one last time b/c some things might have changed in the last 7 months that might warrant some editing in the stories. Speaking of changes…life at home with Cecelia Louise is wonderful so far. She definitely woke up on the wrong side of the crib today, but I keep telling her it’s okay because everyone has one of those days here and there. She makes the most hilarious faces that we find ourselves just staring at her waiting for the next one. We’re off to Ohio and Kentucky for a wedding this weekend, so she’ll meet a lot of Trey’s extended family. I have to say I’m looking forward to the road trip. As much as I love being home with Cecelia, I do get a little cabin fever. I take Cecelia and Steve (dog) for a walk every day, but I’m still recovering from the c-section and usually only make it a couple blocks. I’m told it takes 6 weeks to fully recover and I’m starting to believe it. At least that’s an excuse to hunker down and polish up my book one last time and get it out there.
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04.26.08
Posted in Write Today at 3:43 pm by Rebecca Rine-Stone
Our daughter is here! Cecelia Louise Stone was born last Sunday, April 20 at 3:22 pm, weighing 7 pounds, 9 ounces and measuring 20 inches long. She’s adorable and healthy and I’ve been in complete awe since the second I heard her first cry. It was a long labor and it was hard, but it’s something Trey and I will cherish forever because of the strength we gave each other through it all. I started to have contractions last Saturday afternoon and they finally got close enough apart by 3:30 in the morning. Here’s what I wrote in my pregnancy journal Saturday night:
It’s midnight and I’m still having contractons. I was able to catch a few naps in between, but when the contractions hit, I wake up. If this isn’t labor…well, I don’t know what then. It must be. When Cecelia’s a teenager, I can’t hold this night over her head. I can’t say things like, “I stayed up all night with contractions with you and this is the thanks I get?” I’m here for her. Whatever she needs tonight, I’m on it. We’re a team and I’ll follow her lead.
I’m glad I was able to write my brief thoughts in those moments leading up to labor. Although it was a long night, it was filled with such fleeting memories. I’m nostalgic today thinking back to a week ago when it all began. She’s such a beautiful baby and Trey acts like he was born to be a dad. It’s pretty incredible. I was feeding her today and her little hand was resting on my belly and I realized how amazing it is that she’s on the outside of me now. I’d be lying if I said I’m not really emotional about the whole thing. I guess it’s hard not to be emotional when your life changes for the better and a vision you’ve had in your head finally becomes reality.
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04.18.08
Posted in Write Today at 8:35 pm by Rebecca Rine-Stone
Tomorrow’s my last day of work until mid-July! I can’t believe it. Of course, I’ll be happy not to have to go into work, but it will honestly be hard to not see people I truly love for so long. I’m lucky to work with a bunch of really wonderful people. I have to keep reminding myself it’s not like I’ll be sitting around the house bored for 12 weeks–I’ll actually be a mom! I’m sure the time will fly by and the day I go back to work will be a hard one as well. By then I hope we’ll be on a schedule with the baby and we’ll have an idea of how to juggle everything. The doctor today said there’s not much going on in the way of being closer to delivering this baby. She’s just sort of hanging out. I’m due a week from today, so we’ll see if she comes then or a little later. I no longer think she’ll be early, but that’s okay. I’m hoping for an Earth Day baby on the 22nd, but whatever day she picks is the right one. Random note here…I recently stopped using harsh cleaning products and switched to using things like vinegar, baking soda and tea tree oil to clean and I’m telling you, it’s so much better. I won’t go into nerd mode, but seriously, it’s cheaper, it’s easier on my hands and lungs and they do a great job. I wanted to switch before the baby gets here and I was a skeptic, but it’s good stuff. Told you it was a random note. Well what the heck, speaking of more earth-friendly products, I found a diaper that’s flushable/disposable/biodegradable. It’s called gdiaper and can be bought at Whole Foods. Anyhooo, I’d better stop writing because I find it weird that I just got excited about natural cleaning products and diapers. Before you know it, I’ll have a helmet haircut and talk about the PTA meeting.
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04.12.08
Posted in Write Today at 3:58 pm by Rebecca Rine-Stone
I can’t cut my toenails b/c I can’t reach them, so I went to get a pedicure today. I went to a place right up the street so it was super cheap, but the best pedicure ever. I’ve only gotten a few in my life, but this was the best. Everyone in the place was excited when I said I’m due in less than 2 weeks and the woman who was working on my feet was talking about her kids. We kept chatting and she said she has 2 sons and she miscarried 2 girls when she was pretty far along in her pregnancies. Her face went blank when she started telling me about it and my heart was hurting for her. I got just a glimpse of how sad and traumatized she still is by it and I said something that felt condescending after I said it. I said, “Well, everything happens for a reason.” Here I am, about to give birth to a baby girl, telling her basically, “Sorry about your luck, but keep on painting my nails pastel pink as I get ready to celebrate the good fortune of my baby girl.” She just looked at me and said, “I guess, but I’d like to know the reason for it happening.” I can’t say that I’m sold on the whole “Everything happens for a reason” thing. I think bad things happen and it’s up to us to find the good in them, so the fact that I even said that to her is annoying to me. She wasn’t offended at all, but just the fact that she said she wish she knew the reason for both of her daughters dying is enough to let me know she’s still torn up about it. It just goes to show that every person you meet is struggling with some sort of pain that’s under some layers, so we should treat each other with kindness and compassion. It’s amazing how easy that lesson is to forget, isn’t it?
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